The Accident Book … Extract # 9 … Rock of Ages
Those of you who joined me last week will no doubt remember the unfortunate incident concerning Watkins and the lawn mower.
What follows is another extract from the ACCIDENT BOOK as recorded by Lord & Lady Northbunker on their estate in Dorset.
Extract # 9 … Rock of Ages
Even as I write, Watkins is out on the patio with my son-in-law Steve who is busy rehearsing with his post-punk-revivalist band – the Fankful Deaf. Being something of a musical aficionado himself, having once played lead bugle in the Boys Brigade marching band, Watkins has very kindly agreed to stand in for Winston the bass-guitarist who is currently on remand in Strangeways for a spot of assault and house-breaking.
Watkins is attempting to play the guitar with his teeth. I fear they may fall out at any moment. I also strongly suspect that someone may well have slipped an illicit substance into his pipe. He has been making increasingly lewd remarks to Angie the lead vocalist. These pertain to the exact location of her many tattoos and body-piercings. He has now decided to pick a fight with Big Ron the drummer. The air is thick with expletives and flying-fists.
I sense a definite mood of anger and hostility within the group but I am assured that such violent behaviour and discord is quite normal and nothing to worry about. Watkins is now spark out on the lawn with a snare drum wrapped around his head. He has an expression of great joy on his face. Watkins, the wild-man of rock. Battered, bruised and stoned out of his tiny little mind. Still, the emergency services are on their way.