Pension me off ?

Pension me off ?


I applied for my State Pension a few weeks ago. I filled in a form online and now I am waiting to hear something. I turn 65 this November.


When I was 15 I was in love with the beautiful French singer Francoise Hardy. I even had a crush on the lady who lived across the road because she looked a bit like her.


I also wanted to be the Russian spy Illya Kuryakin from The Man from U.N.C.L.E. 


Now, 50 years later, I still have very fond memories of Francoise. But the true love of my life is my wife. Don’t tell Francoise. She’ll be devastated.


And Mr Kuryakin ? Well, he has long since hung up his revolver and retired from the spying game. And I’ll tell you something for free. This 15 – 65 thing slips by like you wouldn’t believe. 

Here’s two bits of advice if you are young : get yourself on a decent pension scheme and … get yourself a decent pension scheme.

And two bits of advice if you are not so young : Behave like you’re still 15 and if the picture below looks a bit blurry then put your bloody glasses on!


 OK … don’t panic. It really is a blurry picture … of a donkey. Just kidding. It’s the Pension Express hurtling towards you at breakneck speed.


38 responses to “Pension me off ?

  1. cool. maybe Francoise can find solace of her loss in my arms instead. works for me. 🙂

  2. I hope you will have a good time when you retire. As for me I didn’t quit working 100 %. Up till now when I’m 67 I’ve worked 25 %
    I also like Hardy!

  3. Love you…….xx

  4. I applied for a state pension once but they said I wasn’t in a bad enough state. However, given recent developments, I may re-apply. 🙂

  5. I cannot believe you are soon to be a pensioner – and such a romantic one at that. Your lady wife is very lucky, although I strongly suspect that you are a very lucky chap also. It’s only a number. Carry on regardless, my dear chap.

    • Hi Lucy. It happens. I plan on drawing it for a very long time to come …. Just to annoy the government. And talking of governments, I like you as PM and your cabinet seem quite a decent bunch.

      • Annoying the government is a noble endeavour. Oh, thank you very much. I shall be sharing the trailer on the blog tomorrow, but I wanted you chaps to have first peek. The Cabinet are delightful, although how effective they will be remains to be seen. It shall be fun, either way 😀

      • Cabinet-wise,effectiveness is not important. It’s being there that counts. The worse they are … the better you’ll look yourself. Please keep a close eye on the Ministry of Pensions.

      • That’s a very good theory. It explains a lot of Mrs May’s current tactic, I think. I shall keep a close personal eye… there will be special benefits for writers – so long as my Cabinet don’t oppose the move. I reckon they’ll be okay with it 🙂

      • That is excellent. Come 2026 I will certainly be voting for you and your party. I will draw up at the polling station in my chauffeur driven limousine and pop my ticket in the ballot box. Either that or I wheeze up on my bicycle and be a grumpy old man.😯🍻

      • Much appreciated, my dear chap. I am pretty confident that you will be in the limousine. You will have sold more books than J K Rowling by 2026 😀

      • Yes … whoever she is!!##!! 😯😯🍸🍸🍸🍰🍰

  6. Two fantastic advice everyone should take to heart, Kris! At first to always stay young and at second to have something to live from and enjoying your youth!!!

  7. Ah……….. retirement! I love it! I can do pretty much whatever I like and, at the end of every month, money appears in my bank account. Of course some forward planning was necessary…. but it was well worth it. How can life get better than this? No Trump comments please!

  8. Great humor, Chris. Ilya Kuriakin is alive and well and has morphed into an ME called Ducky on NCIS, a popular TV show here for the last 8 or more years.

    • Thanks Noelle. Yes, I just found out about Ilya.
      I suppose that retired spies have to make a living, although you’d think that U.N.C.L.E. would have given him a nice pension, what with him and Mr Solo protecting us from THRUSH. 😃😯

  9. Just dropped by to say hello Chris
    As always Sheldon

  10. I expect you know that Illya has metamorphosed into Dr ‘Ducky’ Mallard of NCIS?

  11. I worked for the state for 19 years (with one year of sick leave saved up) before I left to be a full-time writer. So I’ll get a pension at 67 or whatever…not as much as I would have gotten if I’d stayed 30 years. I also have a 401(k). But I guess I’ll be earning money writing as long as my brain stays active!


  12. lol – I was truly, madly in love with Illya Kuryakin! Thanks for reminding me. And congratulations. As far as I’m concerned, coming of pension age will mean that I can write guilt free while still being able to put food on the table. Getting old[er] has its compensations. 🙂

  13. Good to read more from you, Chris. I’ve neglected blogland shamefully. I’ve already hit 65 (in April) and I can assure you it doesn’t really hurt – much! I also know the 15 – 65 thing flies unforgivably fast. Being a girl, I didn’t want to be Ilya Kuryakin but I did fancy him, like many with me. I’ve been drawing my pension for four years now, and like your friend, acflory above, I can write guilt-free – well, at least when my husband lets me that is! He is a mere youngster at only 64 🙂 Happy retirement, Chris

    • Thank you for your good wishes. So you fancied a Russian spy. That wasn’t very patriotic of you. 😁 (Kidding).
      So now I will write like a thing possessed.
      Thanks for dropping by. Hope your writing is going well.
      All the best. Chris.

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