Category Archives: Uncategorized

I, Writer … #20

Routine Matters

I, Writer … #20

Cry me a river …

I mentioned a wine called Writer’s Block in a recent post.

My pal Dermott Hayes over at Postcard from a Pigeon very kindly left a comment in which he mentioned a brand of Irish Whiskey called Writers Tears.

So, I think I’ll go and cry me a river …

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Meanwhile, in a Parallel Universe …

September 2017

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe …

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GORT

Today I am reblogging a post from 2011 because it is quite timely. It contains a message from GORT the interstellar enforcement robot (The Day the Earth Stood Still, 1951).
Certain world leaders should take note.

1951 Club

GORT

gort2

A huge 1951 Club welcome to interstellar law enforcement officer  GORT ,  the eight-foot humanoid star of the 1951 film The Day the Earth Stood Still.
Now you may be wondering where GORT has been hanging out these past 60 years since 1951. ( I can’t hear you wondering … but I’m going to tell you anyway! )  GORT is currently to be found at The Science Fiction Hall of Fame within Seattle’s splendid  EMP Museum. And before this … well let’s just say that he’s been keeping an eye on things.

I recently wrote a letter to GORT c/o the very helpful assistant Curator at the museum, Brooks Peck. It is a 1951 Club rule that agreement to membership has to be in writing. Fortunately Gort wrote back.

Dear Gort

Hello. My name is Kris and I am an Earthling living in Ayrshire, Scotland. It’s not every day…

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I, Writer … #19

Happy Monday folks. This is from my other ramblings over on Routine Matters. Go on. Reblog it. You know you want to. 😁🌹

Routine Matters

I, Writer … #19

WRITER’S BLOCK FOR SALE …

Writer’s Block. I rather liked the sound of that so I ordered one on eBay – £2.75 + Free postage.

OMG! Cheap or what. I mean, it was coming all the way from bloody China. How they can afford to send something that heavy and not have to charge postage is beyond me. Absolutely insane. The postman had to actually drag it down my garden path and damn near gave himself a hernia. It now takes pride of place on the mantlepiece between my Captain’s Log and my Housemaid’s Knee.

Also, when I visit sunnier climes I’m always sure to pack my handy tube of Writer’s Block. Smother it on. Lie back and enjoy the scenery. It smells like rancid cheese in a sewer rat’s armpit but it certainty does the trick.

I also keep several bottles of Writers Block i

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I, Writer … #18

Routine Matters

I, Writer … #18

Total Global Nuclear War in a Waste-Paper Basket …

Many years ago, before Twitter was an egg and trolls were just annoying creatures with nothing better to do than scare the living daylights out of unsuspecting travellers, I wrote to several well-known British daily newspapers. I was trying to sell them articles about all manner of things from the price of fish to the likely consequences of total global nuclear war. I didn’t hold out too much hope of getting anything published but these things must always be attempted in any event.

Anyway, just in case my efforts weren’t accepted (and believe you me, they weren’t) I had adopted a face-saving ploy. This ploy was absurdly simple and centred on the subject of waste disposal.

I told them – “If, in the unlikely event you choose not to snap this article up and prefer instead to dispose…

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The Desk, the Pen and the Writing Paper

Routine Matters

The Desk, the Pen and the Writing Paper …

This is a very nice reproduction Thomas Chippendale style desk. It costs £10,250. The real thing would set you back well over £150,000. Still, I don’t think you can beat a good old-fashioned kitchen table.

OK. Now for a pen. I use a Bic Cristal biro. It does me fine. The current title holder for the world’s most expensive pen is the Fulgor Nocturnus by the famous pen-makers Tibaldi of Florence. This fountain pen sold for $8 million in a 2010 auction in Shanghai, China. So what’s so special about the Fulgor Nocturnus that makes it about 8 million times more expensive than your average Bic pen? It was created based on the Divine Proportions of Phi, so the ratio between the cap and the visible portion of the barrel when the pen is closed is equal to the phi ratio 1.618. In addition to its divine shape, the pen…

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Mighty Mouse and You

This is such a brilliant post. Squeak. Which is why squeak I am blogging it. Hell … that cat looks tasty. SQUEAK!! 🐭🐁🐀🐀🐱🐈🐩

Life in the Boomer Lane

Those readers who are convinced that North Korean missiles are now, even as we speak, headed this way, have no need to continue reading this blog post. If you truly believe you have mere moments left, you certainly don’t want to spend them wallowing in Life in the Boomer Lane’s depleted mental universe. Please come up with something that has a bit more value, even if it just means polishing off all the snacks in the house.

The rest of you, those who believe you may have some time left in which to inhabit the earth, may be concerned about your aging brain cells.  Aging brain cells, like any other body part, are susceptible to deterioration. They become inflexible, unruly, and often run amok at any given moment. This wreaks havoc with daily schedules, interpersonal relationships and sexual activity.  They also send mixed signals about hair. They stop growing…

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