The Accident Book … extract # 7

The Accident Book … extract # 7

Those of you who joined me last week will no doubt remember the unfortunate incident concerning Watkins and the fireworks.

What follows is another extract from the ACCIDENT BOOK as recorded by Lord & Lady Northbunker on their estate in Dorset.

Extract # 7

Watkins appears to be in rather a dark place at the moment. Even as I write, he is outside having an attack of what can best be described as ‘garden-rage’. He has just this minute napalmed all the deckchairs, having first ridden roughshod over my prize-winning begonias astride the old Atco Lawnmaster.

Now, to my absolute horror and chagrin, he is relieving himself into the ornamental fishpond. Enough is enough! I pour myself a generous measure of Old Grouse and wander casually out into the garden armed with my trusty 12 bore shotgun.

On arrival I find that, in a fit of pique, he has managed to accidentally nail his hand to the bird-table.

Really, such extraordinary and uncharacteristic behaviour. I fear that Watkins has been listening to his old Rolling Stones records in the shed again. And nothing good ever comes of that. Still, the emergency services are on their way. 

 

Take care folks!

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The Accident Book … Extract # 4

The Accident Book … Extract # 4

Those of you who joined me last week will no doubt remember the unfortunate incident concerning Watkins and the National Grid.

What follows is another extract from the ACCIDENT BOOK as recorded by Lord & Lady Northbunker on their estate in Dorset.

Extract # 4

Even as I write, Watkins is busy clearing the guttering high above the main conservatory. Sadly it seems that the ladder he’s using has finally succumbed to the ravages of woodworm. I am somewhat disturbed by his pitiful screams and the expensive sound of breaking glass. I fear my prized collection of prickly cacti may also have been placed in some jeopardy. Still, the emergency services are on their way.

Take care folks!

The Accident Book … Extract # 2

The Accident Book … Extract # 2

Those of you who joined me last week will no doubt remember the unfortunate incident of Watkins and the trampoline.

What follows is another extract from the ACCIDENT BOOK as recorded by Lord & Lady Northbunker on their estate in Dorset.

Extract # 2

Today it is nice and windy. Even as I write, Watkins is out in the garden demonstrating the noble and ancient art of kite-flying to my two adorable grandchildren, Thomas and Edwina. I am absolutely delighted to observe that Watkins has finally overcome his fear of flying. He is such a jolly good sport. Thomas and Edwina are screaming with delight. Watkins is also screaming. I very much doubt he has equipped himself with a parachute. I am minded to call the emergency services.